


Daisies.

by Rebel_Captain



Category: HP, Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, James/Lily is the endgame though, Pregnancy, Remus and Lily are an angst potential fuelled ship that I will go down with, friends to lovers to friends, just wanted to explore Remus and Lily's dynamic, secret relationships that dwindle to friendship whoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 17:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17833283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebel_Captain/pseuds/Rebel_Captain
Summary: When he dies, his last thoughts are of his son, Tonks and a pair of green eyes that have haunted his dreams since he was sixteen.------pretty much ignoring jro's timeline for the Marauders because ??????? what even is it.





	Daisies.

Remus Lupin is nothing but _furious_.

He doesn't get angry easily, no. Irritated and disgruntled, yes. But red faced, head and heart pounding, teeth grinding and hands shaking kind of mad? No. It's never been in his nature, despite his... ailments. His mother thought it a blessing, his father often joked that perhaps it was a calm before the storm kind of anger that Remus bore.

Well, the storm had most definitely arrived and god did Remus welcome it.

"You fucking prick!" he all but snarls at Sirius, who scowls back at him as if he's in the wrong. "You lead him to his fucking death! I could have- I could have _killed_ him Sirius!" 

"Good. Would've served him right." he snaps back instantly, shoving Remus away from him. 

It's James who steps between them. James, who had perhaps been the worst of them all a year ago, is quickly becoming the most mature. He's been dropping the pranks, the bullying. It still occurs, now and then, but it's nowhere near as bad. Remus wishes he'd stopped them sooner.

"Sirius, for fucks sake, I love a good prank but _c'mon_ ," he says, looking between his friends with furrowed brows. "I like Snape about as much as I care for pureblood supremacy, but that doesn't mean I want him mauled to death by Remus."

Remus flinches, and James grimaces, giving him an apologetic look. Remus simply just nods. He knows James didn't mean it like that. But James has a habit of shoving his foot so far down his throat it's a wonder he doesn't end up shitting it out.

Merlin, what a fucking image that is.

"You all act like you've never wanted him gone-" he frowns, and Remus wonders if there's something more going on in Sirius's head. His family perhaps? "-I would've done us all a damn favour! You know how he treats everyone! Like they're less than him, that they're not even good enough to lick his shoes! James, you know what he called Li-"

"Don't use her against me to try and win this, Padfoot." James says quietly, though there's an undercurrent of anger in his tone. 

"Will you both shut up?" Remus sighs, burying his face in his hand. His gut is churning with anger. He feels ill. He could have killed someone.

Sirius would have let him.

"Don't talk to me." he decides, getting up and dusting off his robes. "I don't want to look at either of you-" James isn't at fault, but god, he'd try and get him to forgive Sirius. "-you're both dead to me."

"Remus-"

"Moony-"

"Shut it." 

And with that, he storms from the dormitories and out of the Gryffindor common room. It's time for his rounds anyway.

* * *

 

He's sulking.

That's the first thing Lily notices about Remus that evening when they're due to start their rounds of the castle. Remus sometimes has a look of being uncomfortable, but he's never openly sulked as far as she's aware.

His cheeks are flushed red, his eyes are wet and he keeps his head ducked down. _Very unlike him_. Remus isn't the most confident of boys, but he's never looked like this.

"Remus?" she asks, looking up at him with furrowed brows. "Are you alright?"

He stares at her silently. He shakes his head. "My friends are pricks."

"I could've told you that." she says, and he cracks a faint smile. She likes making him smile. "What'd they do this time?"

Remus purses his lips. Lily knows about him being a werewolf. Had figured it out in third year, actually. Telling her wouldn't risk his secret. But Snape had been her best friend for years before the incident. And god knows her opinion of Sirius and James was low enough as it is... even though by all accounts, James was the damn hero of the story. 

"Sirius tricked Snape into going to the shack." he says quietly, ignoring her little gasp of disbelief. "I don't know what he wanted to happen but... well James managed to get him out before I could hurt anyone." his eyes sting with another round of tears.

"Remus-" she whispers, reaching out to touch his arm. He crosses his arms, as if it'll shield him from... whatever it is she's going to say.

"I'm a monster, Lily. The stuff you'd read about in a horror novel. It was only a matter of time before someone used it against me. I just never expected it to be one of my friends is all." he mumbles, shaking. 

Lily frowns, reaching out and resting her hand on his shoulder. She gives it a comforting squeeze. "I'm sure he didn't think of it like that-" she tries to reason. Remus laughs. It's cold.

"How else do you expect me to think of this situation, Lily? I just want to know what was going on in his damn head." he snaps, and he instantly feels guilty. He's never snapped at her before. Lily Evans is endlessly kind and understanding, he could never dream of snapping at her. But he just did. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, Remus." she reassures him, giving him the gentlest of smiles. Something stutters in his chest at the smile. They stare at each other for a few moments.

He kisses her.

It's his first kiss. His nose bumps against hers, his hands are awkward until they rest at her waist, and jesus, he realises he has no idea what to do with his mouth. Thankfully, Lily seems to know what she's doing. She ever so softly moves her mouth against his, so that they're not just standing there with their lips pressed together ( _god, how embarrassing_ ), her hands reach up to cup his face.

Lily Evans tastes like mint. 

He pulls back suddenly, guilt running through him. This is the girl James has loved for years, how could he do this to his best friend? "I'm sorry, I... I can't do this. I'm sorry- I shouldn't have- I-"

Lily stepped closer to him, her expression so frustratingly understanding. _Why can't she yell at me? I kissed her out of the blue, wouldn't most girls be mad about that?_ Maybe Remus just wants someone to be angry at him.

The situation is terrifyingly confusing.

"It's alright." and that's that. Everything goes back to normal in that one instant. It's bizarre, it's confusing, it's surprisingly understandable still. Typical of Lily, he muses with a faint smile.

They fall silent as they walk.

"Remus?" she speaks up twenty minutes later, he hums in response, hands in the pockets of his robes. "You're not a monster."

* * *

Three weeks go by.

He still hasn't spoken to James or Sirius. He still speaks to Peter, who is rather confused as a whole. Then again, when isn't Peter confused about a situation? Peter's torn, unsure whether or not to take Remus's side or James and Sirius's. 

Lily is there.

She walks with him to classes, sits beside him at meal times (even ropes in Alice, Frank and Marlene), talks about nothing in particular just so that she can distract him.

He doesn't deserve Lily Evans as a friend.

Especially because he thinks about kissing her again half of the time.

Remus knew Lily was pretty, knew she was smart, kind, loyal. But he didn't know that her favourite band was ABBA, or that West Side Story was her favourite movie. He learns that she hates the colour red and adores green. Her favourite flavour of anything is mint, she hates peas. She also hates pumpkin juice and much prefers apple juice. She likes ridiculous romance novels. She believes in soulmates. 

He gets to know her more and more each day.

Her eyes light up whenever they're in the potions classroom. She holds her head up higher whenever she walks by a Slytherin. The left corner of her mouth will pull up whenever there's a question in an exam that she feels she can answer perfectly. 

God, he's screwed.

* * *

 

Remus isn't unused to self loathing.

He's felt it since he was a child, since he got turned into _this_. It's two nights before the full moon, and he feels more animal than man.

He hates the days where it's like that.

Remus hasn't spoken to James or Sirius in seven weeks, he developed feelings for Lily Evans along the way, Peter is left to deal with Remus's foul mood during the week leading up to the full moon.

Peter, bless him, tries to distract Remus in a variety of ways. He picks out unusual sounding books from the library, even ropes Remus into playing a few games. Peter is a good friend.

Lily is the worst part.

His feelings are a little more intense now that the full moon is close. He _hates_ his wolf. He can't help but be a tad more affectionate with Lily, touching her whenever an opportunity presents itself. His eyes linger on her more often now, and he finds himself wanting to bury his nose in her hair that smells like flowers.

_God he hates his wolf._

Lily doesn't question it. Not really, anyway. She shoots him a few odd looks now and then, but for the most part she indulges him. Even though he hasn't spoken to James in a month, he still feels guilt.

He still kisses her again. She still kisses back.

* * *

 

Remus speaks to Sirius and James after two months. Their friendship is stronger than ever, and Remus feels like they'll be friends forever. Cheesy as it sounds.

Of course, then he remembers that he's snogging Lily Evans in secret. Three months later, snogging turns into _more_. He can't bring himself to be sorry about that. He loves her, and she doesn't love him.

No matter what she says, there's no way anyone can truly love someone like him. No, he's just a relationship Lily will have and get over before she moves onto the love of her life. 

In a twisted way, he's okay with that. Lily Evans is the closest he will ever get to being loved by someone, and _he's okay with it._  

Remus often wonders if perhaps there's something a little wrong with him for being so okay with it. Maybe it's because he loves her too much? That's most likely it.

* * *

 

They lay together in one of the rooms in the Shrieking Shack. It's dusty, and Remus wants to give Lily better. But she simply snorts and tells him she's more than okay with the surroundings, she just wants to be with him.

"I love you." she whispers to him, her face on his chest and her arms wrapped around him.

She doesn't.

"I love you too." he mumbles back, trailing his fingers up and down her spine. She smiles at that, she always does, and she kisses him. He kisses back. In moments like this, he can pretend that they'll last.

In his heart he knows they won't.

* * *

 

In between Lily's slender fingers is a daisy.

"Gosh, Lily, I'm flattered." he swoons, holding a hand to his forehead. Lily rolls her eyes, her cheeks pink as she twirls the flower between her fingers.

"It's silly but... I just thought you'd like it, maybe." she explains, cheeks darkening even further. 

"You thought a bloke would like flowers?" he teases, because he most certainly doesn't give a stuff about coming off as manly. If his girlfriend wants to give him flowers, then let her, really.

"A flower." she corrects, and she looks down at the daisy, taking a breath. "They're a symbol of true love." she adds, and the sweet sentiment makes his stomach fill with butterflies.

He reaches out and plucks the daisy from her fingers. It looks ridiculous, in between his scarred fingers. When he voices this to her, Lily simply gives him a smile.

"I think the only thing that's ridiculous is that you don't know how beautiful you look right now." his cheeks darken.

"Corny."

"Bite me."

* * *

 

He carefully presses the daisy in his copy of Hogwarts: A History.

He manages to keep anyone from finding it. He's not embarrassed, not in the slightest, he'd just rather not have an upset James on his hands.

If possible, he falls even more in love with Lily Evans every time he sees the daisy.

* * *

They never tell anyone about their relationship. Maybe that's why their breakup runs smoothly.

Remus loves too much, Lily doesn't love enough. He doesn't blame her, not in the slightest. She's confused about why he breaks things off, she's _hurt_. But when he sees her eyes following James when he enters a room, or when he notices her glare at girls James flirts with, he realises it must come to an end.

It still hurts him though, when he sees them together in their seventh year. But he never lets on. Lily and James deserve their happy ending, after all. Who is he to stop them? James and Lily are the loves of each other's lives.

They get married.

They have a son.

They die.

* * *

 

When Lily is pregnant, it is Remus who spends the most time with her. James is busy with Order business, and Lily has opted out of the fighting until the baby is born. It frustrates her to no end, as Lily is a woman of action who hates sitting on the sidelines.

Despite that, she always puts the baby first.

"I think it's a boy." she tells Remus one afternoon, looking through a nursery catalogue.

"Oh?" he asks, looking up from his book. He's startled by how beautiful she looks. The sun shines on her red hair, giving it a more coppery hue. Her skin is glowing, and her eyes are brighter.

He's breathless for a moment, as he imagines that this could have been them. But he quickly stops those thoughts. He won't betray James like that.

"James thinks we're having a girl. But I know it's a boy. Call it a mother's intuition." she hums, and he grins.

"Take it James's father's intuition is gonna turn out to be a load of bollocks, then?"

"Of course. We all know he's never right." she jokes, and they laugh.

He's glad to still have her as a friend.

* * *

 

Harry James Potter is a beautiful baby. 

He's tan, like his father, with the same thick dark hair. In fact, the only thing he seems to get from Lily are the shape of her eyes. He's quiet too, and Remus knows he gets it from his mother. He most certainly didn't inherit it from James anyway.

He's the Potter's pride and joy, and his uncles. Sirius has never looked more happy than he is around his godson. Harry adores them all, all gummy smiles and cheery waves whenever he sees them. He cries whenever any of them leave too.

Remus will most likely never have children of his own, so it's nice to get to be someone's uncle, at least.

He babysits Harry a lot, as Lily and James dub him the most responsible. Sirius pouts about it. Sirius gets over it once he realises that nappies are an abomination he doesn't want to go near. 

Holding Harry is terrifying and calming all at once. There's the fear in the back of his mind that he'll hurt him; this tiny little life who is so happy and bright. But, Remus adores Harry as if he was his own, so that outweighs the fear.

It's a rainy Saturday afternoon when he babysits Harry, sat on the floor with him while the boy tries to roll over onto his back. Lily stresses about the importance of 'tummy time' every time she leaves Harry in anyone's care.

"You know," Remus says, watching Harry whine with frustration and wriggle even harder in an attempt to roll over. "It's really not so hard." as if a baby will understand his teasing. Still, Harry looks up at Remus once he hears his voice, and he gives him a gummy smile, one Remus returns.

"Bee buh!"

"Yes, I agree, the weather's abysmal." he hums, shifting to lay down on his front so that he's face to face with Harry. That way, the infant won't have to crane his neck up as much to look at him.

"Ab muh!"

"It should be better by tomorrow, yes." he nods, resting his chin on his arms. Harry mimics the motion, and Remus grins. "So you're a little copycat, hm?"

"Bee buh!"

"Ah, I see, sorry to offend you, Harry." he apologises, reaching out and patting his head. Harry grabs his hand and starts gnawing on Remus's thumb. Remus sighs, but lets him continue.

* * *

 

When Harry is four months old, the Potters go into hiding.

There is a spy in the Order. And Dumbledore revealed that there is a prophecy, one that could involve Harry. And Voldemort. The Potters move to an undisclosed location, not even Remus or Sirius know.

It's Peter who is their secret keeper. Voldemort would expect Remus or Sirius, but Peter? He's the underdog in the situation.

They had asked Sirius first, and he'd instantly refused. 

* * *

 

November 1st 1981 arrives.

Lily and James are dead. Harry lives. Sirius betrayed them all and murdered Peter.

Remus screams so hard his throat is sore for days.

* * *

 

He drifts for years.

His life is a lonely one, but he can live with that. Initially, he'd asked Dumbledore if there was any chance of him adopting Harry, as he knew Petunia and Lily never got on.

He was dismissed almost instantly, Dumbledore insisting that Harry belonged with his family.

Remus didn't bother protesting that Harry was his family.

So, he finds himself a cheap cottage. It's in dire need of repair, and he fixes it up for the most part. But he finds himself unable to care enough to fix the smaller issues. There's a cellar though, which is perfect for full moons. He barely decorates. He sets out his books and the photographs he has.

The daisy is carefully laid on a shelf with the books.

He spends his days trying to find a well paying job and wondering how Harry was doing.

He misses James.

He misses Peter.

He misses Lily most of all.

* * *

 

Twelve years later, he is visited by Dumbledore and is asked to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts.

He's hesitant, scared he'll end up hurting a student. But Dumbledore reassures him that Snape will brew him Wolfsbane every month to help control the lycanthropy. Remus nearly cries.

Finally, his life gains some meaning again.

* * *

 

Harry is the spitting image of James Potter.

But that isn't the first thing Remus notices. The first thing are his eyes; an ever familiar almond shape with the same bottle green irises. Harry has Lily's wit too, and the same irritated expression. 

It pains him to look at him sometimes. He's the living reminder of James and Lily's deaths. But he pushes through it. Harry deserves that much.

When Harry tells Remus that he thought the scream he heard on a train was his mother's, Remus is careful when talking about Lily. He talks about how he recognised Harry by his eyes, how kind she was, how she was there for him at a time when no one else was.

"She had a way of seeing the beauty in others," he explains, hands clutching the wooden posts on the bridge in an attempt to ground himself. _Her laugh wasn't pretty, it was a snorting kind. Remus thought it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. She loathed coffee. Her hair looked like molten copper. Her eyes shone whenever she made someone laugh. She was brilliant at potions. She was brave, until the very end._ "Even and, perhaps, most especially when that person could not see it themselves." _she always insisted I wasn't a monster._

_She gave me a daisy._

* * *

Nymphadora Tonks is a breath of fresh air.

She's funny, wild, clumsy and brave. 

Remus falls in love for the second time in his life, even though he worries she's too young, that the wolf will be a problem.

He's an idiot about it.

They get married in Scotland. He doesn't think about Lily as much anymore. The daisy is forgotten.

* * *

 

Somehow, they talk about their past romances.

Tonks jokes about how she had a few bad ones, Remus laughs along until she asks him about his past romances.

"Remus?" she probes when he falls silent, her smile wavering. "C'mon, can't be that bad can it? Date a troll or something?"

"No," he whispers, voice more hoarse than he thought. "It... it's complicated. It was at Hogwarts though, and I loved her."

"Did she love you?" she asks, voice gentle.

"I think she thought she did. But she married the love of her life." he says, his chest aching at the thought of his best friend and Lily.

Tonks nods and doesn't ask any more. He's glad.

Lily Potter is a secret he'll keep to himself.

He thinks about the daisy for the first time in months.

* * *

 

Tonks is pregnant.

He feels sick when she tells him. _What if he passed on his werewolf genes? What if this child had to live a life as cruel as his?_

So he runs.

He finds Harry and says he wants to join him on the hunt for horcruxes.

Harry yells at him for bailing on his pregnant wife. He calls him a coward.

Remus leaves him too.

He returns to Tonks and apologises every day. She cries the first day he's back.

* * *

 

Teddy Lupin is perfect. 

He's tiny, he has his father's eyes and mousy coloured hair.

Hair which soon turns turquoise. 

Remus has never loved anything as much as he loves his son.

* * *

 

He finds Harry again and names him Teddy's godfather.

He and Tonks had agreed there was no one better for the role. Harry would be an incredible godfather.

* * *

 

The battle is horrific.

Dolohov is a skilled fighter, and Remus knows, deep down, that he won't win this fight. He won't see Teddy grow up, but he's glad that he'll have his mother. At least, that's what Remus assumes until he sees his wife from the corner of his eye.

The distraction is all Dolohov needs to cast the killing curse. Remus is distracted, and has been so out of practice he doesn't notice.

When he dies, his last thoughts are of his son, Tonks and a pair of green eyes that have haunted his dreams since he was sixteen. And lastly, a pressed daisy.

Remus Lupin is finally at peace.

* * *

 

Seventeen years later is when Teddy Lupin comes across a box in his grandmother's loft. She doesn't seem to recognise it, but tells him it must be his father's, as the handwriting was his.

So, Teddy takes the box to his room and begins to look through it. A Gryffindor scarf, several worn books, a pressed daisy, and... several photos.

Those peak Teddy's interest the most, and he rummages through them. There are several with his father and three other men. One, he deduces, must be Harry's father because of how much he looks like Harry, the other two, he doesn't recognise. 

Then, he comes across a photo of his father and a woman with red hair. The pair are standing close, laughing about something. It's innocent enough, Teddy supposes, two friends laughing.

But, the way his father looks at the woman is...

the look of a man in love.

It's weird, seeing your father in love with someone who isn't your mother. So, he takes that photo downstairs, and asks his grandmother if she knew who that was.

The woman furrows her brows, sitting down in her seat. "Ted, love, that's Lily Potter." she whispers, looking rather surprised.

Teddy himself is surprised, and he looks back down at the photo. Yes, he sees it now. She has Harry's eyes.

He tucks the photo away in one of his father's books, along with the pressed daisy. 

Just like his father, he never tells anyone.


End file.
